how comparison steals our joy {and how to get it back}

It's happened earlier, but this time it started with shoes. Beautiful shoes. Booties, or wedges, or whatsoever you want to call them. I found a great deal online and ordered a pair on a whim, making sure I could return them when they (inevitably) hurt my feet. But when they arrived I was surprised to discover that not only did they fit, they were cute AND comfortable! I was a little unsure how the style looked on me – I'thousand not a long legged gal; in fact, the term about people might use to describe my legs starts with "thunder" and ends with "thighs" – and I wondered if this way might make my legs look bigger. But in a moment of empoweredness I decided I liked them anyway. In fact, I loved them. Aye. Adept.

Until I went to my daughter's preschool Christmas program the next day and saw another mom wearing the exact same pair of shoes. A mom that's at least six inches taller and twenty (ok maybe xxx) pounds lighter than me. Her gorgeous slender legs just went on forever atop those adorable wedges. And all of a sudden I realized I could never wear my new shoes out of the house; they'd wait absolutely ridiculous at the end of my brusk stumpy legs. I went habitation, taped them back into their box, and returned them the adjacent solar day.

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Now, I like to consider myself a fairly well-adapted person. I'thou usually pretty happy; I'm well aware of my limitations and my strengths and I'm usually ok with both. I don't worry well-nigh my weight or appearance that often, but seeing my new shoes look so much better on someone else stole all the joy I had in them. Stole it clean away until I couldn't wait to go those shoes out of my business firm.

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Final twelvemonth we were able to build a new home. It was quite an upgrade for u.s.a. in terms of space and design. I love my new abode. Similar really really honey it. It's nicer than I'd e'er imagined. Simply nosotros live in a neighborhood total of new homes, many of which are larger than ours, and as I walk into my neighbors' houses it'southward actually, actually difficult not to start thinking: wow, this laundry room is WAY bigger than mine, or: yous know, I really wish we'd been able to add a tertiary car garage. Forth with those thoughts comes a creeping, nagging feeling that peradventure my new habitation isn't equally great as I idea information technology was…and all of a sudden comparison is beginning to steal my joy in my new house. My brand new firm that I love and that is absolutely big enough and prissy enough in every single way. What the in the earth is incorrect with me?

If you asked me if I'thou satisfied with my life I'd tell you truthfully that not only am I satisfied, I also feel incredibly lucky. But comparing what we have to what others have is a trap, an insidious trap that really does steal away our joy. Unfortunately, I call back it's a pretty universal trap: it may non exist houses or shoes, but chances are in that location'southward some role of your life that you regularly compare to others' and find lacking. Maybe information technology feels like other people accept more friends, or more than money, or more talents. Maybe everyone else is a better mom, or has a meliorate body, or drives a minivan with magic doors that open and close past themselves! (I'm withal waiting for i of those.) The bespeak is, everything that'due south absolutely just fine (or even great!) in our life can start to seem lacking when we stop enjoying and kickoff comparison. Because comparison is the thief of joy.

So how practice we stop comparing and get our joy back? Here are some things that will assist:

1 – It'south important to recognize what nosotros're doing and and so. just. stop. Easier said than done, of course, but if we understand what's going on information technology's much easier to stop the comparison train before it gets out of the station. Be upfront with yourself most what comparing triggers you struggle with, and then talk yourself through them. Focus on the things you love and the things y'all're grateful for. You might fifty-fifty want to endeavour making a daily gratitude list so y'all tin can utilize it to remind yourself to finish wasting energy on comparisons. Information technology volition help.

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ii – Retrieve that someone else's success or good fortune doesn't take anything away from you. It doesn't. Your life is still exactly the same as information technology was before you heard about someone else'south amend blog or cuter hairstyle or happier wedlock. If information technology was good enough ten minutes agone, it'southward still adept plenty right now. And if if wasn't good enough before, information technology's not whatsoever worse now. Instead of comparing, try to be inspired past others' success. And exist realistic: no one has it all. Fifty-fifty the people you run across who appear to have everything are probable fighting battles you lot know zero about.

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3 – End allowing social media to be your main form of connection with others. You ever notice that when a practiced friend calls y'all with slap-up news, your first reaction is to feel excited and happy for her? But if a random person on Facebook posts the same good news your reaction is more like: terminate trying to make the residuum of us feel bad. Why is this? I think information technology's because we have very little emotional connection to about of the people nosotros interact with on social media. Posting and reading updates and tweets offers nowhere near the connection that an actual conversation does, and those small glimpses give us a distorted epitome of their reality anyway. When we're connected to people, when we genuinely care almost people, it's like shooting fish in a barrel to be happy for them, considering we're thinking more most them than nearly ourselves. But when nosotros're non connected and we don't really care, we're thinking more than about ourselves and we respond with comparisons instead of joy. I'one thousand not maxim we should all quit social media, although I actually suspect nosotros might be happier if nosotros did…but I am saying if nosotros want to end comparing nosotros should focus more on relationships, connections, and conversations and less on condition updates. Actually connecting with people takes more attempt than scrolling Facebook does, just I'm certain it will make us happier.

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four – Lastly, call back what is most important. Nosotros're never going to have information technology all together and we're never going to have everything we want. But that's ok. We can keep trying for the most important things, and nosotros can remember this: "The near important things virtually always involve the people around united states of america." (Thomas S. Monson) Non our stuff, not our status, and not even our success.

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Joy in life is about people. It's about connections. It'due south well-nigh inventiveness and kindness and a chore well done. And mostly, information technology'due south nearly beloved.

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